When is enough... enough?

I'm wrestling this weekend. Nothing major, a tag team match with a good friend of mine, Luke Reznor. The day before I'll be taking training. Haven't done that for a while. I'll also be filming some stuff for a video segment on an upcoming show. Love pro wrestling. I've been doing it for the majority of my life—22 years in fact.

Yet, I find myself in a weird conundrum... You see, I always look forward to performing. When I'm at work I think about matches and show my colleagues highlights from my bouts. I look up move lists and think about my character. Indeed I do love pro wrestling. However, I feel the closer I get to the date of the event, I begin to shut down, switch off. Stop caring. 

I finish my performance, get backstage, and I'm high as a kite. I feel great. And I wish I could go back out and do it again. I'm never sure why this is. I've tried to break it down into a few sections.

-Learn of my opponent and either get excited or anxious.
-Drive to the venue. I mostly enjoy this (but have you seen the price of petrol?!)
-Get to the venue. This is always a negative, but that's on me, my very poorly developed social skills lead me to paranoia. I always think everyone is out to get me.
-Plan the match. Again, this is a negative. I hate planning. I would much rather do everything on the fly. 
-Wrestle. 9 times out of 10 I love it. It's rare that I don't enjoy myself. Still lots of anxiety, but good energy. Wrestling is such a test of fitness and performance. I love the challenge.
-Finishing up. Worst part I hate getting changed, I always think I'm being judged and people are burying me behind my back.
-Drive home. For the most part, I enjoy it... (But have you seen the price of petrol?!)
-Sleep. Never easy. Mind races, body hurts, and I always say to myself 'should THAT be the last time?'

The real question is: when do I call it? When is enough, enough? 

Not yet. I'm still enjoying this. For now.

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